Questions and Answers About Death (For Kids)

A special person in your life may have died recently. You may have many questions, feelings, and thoughts. Did you know that there is a word to help describe all of feelings, thoughts, and reactions?
Grief. Change creates loss, and the pain from loss is called grief. You can experience grief before and after a special person (family or friend) has died. Grief includes all of your feelings in your heart, thoughts in your head, ways that you act, and even how your body physically feels. Grief can come and go, and have ups and downs, like a rollercoaster!

All living things have a lifetime.
Some living things have a short lifetime - a few hours, days, or weeks. Some living things have a long lifetime - many years!
Activity: Look around to find examples in nature to discover and learn about different lifetimes or life cycles. Check out different types of plants, bugs, animals.

What does it mean to be dead?
All living things die. Living things (people, plants, and animals) eat, breathe, and grow. Like all living things, human bodies eventually die. When people die, they stop breathing, eating and growing.

Why do people die?
People die for many reasons. Sometimes people grow old and their bodies stop working. Some people are involved in accidents and some people develop diseases and illnesses. When this happens, their bodies shut down and stop working.

What is death like?
When someone dies, they don’t come back to life. It is not like sleeping or resting. Their bodies never work again. Death is forever, permanent.

Does it hurt to die?
Death is usually not painful. When someone is old, dying process is usually quiet. When someone dies in an accident, they often feel no pain because death comes so quickly. When someone is very sick and at the end of their lifetime, doctors can prescribe medications that help to keep that person comfortable and not in pain.

Why do people that we love die?
That’s a tough question that doesn’t have a clear answer. We may have many questions that start with “why…” It’s important to remember that you are not alone. Many kids and families have also experienced the death and loss.

Did I do something to cause my person to get sick or to die?
Sometimes kids (and adults) feel guilty, or blame. It is NOT your fault that your special person died. There is never anything you can say, feel or do to make someone sick or to die.

Why do I have so many mixed-up feelings?
It is OK to have mixed-up feelings when someone you love is very sick or has died. You may feel sad, lonely, guilty, confused, angry, glad, etc… Everyone has some of these different feelings. It is natural to feel the pain. Your feelings are normal. It may hurt very much now. As time goes by, these feelings change and may start to feel much better. Everyone is different, so our grief is unique to each person. It’s OK to talk about your feelings, thoughts. It’s OK to talk about your special person, and their memories. It’s OK to ask questions. It’s OK to express yourself. Try not to “bottle up” all of your grief. Imagine shaking up a soda pop bottle: if you don’t let out some pressure it can explode! Let’s learn more about how to deal with these mixed up feelings and grief.

All Feelings are OK. Feelings/Emotions are not good or bad. Learning how to deal, express, and work through feelings is really important.

Remember:
Don’t hurt yourself.
Don’t hurt other people, animals, or things.
You may get “bursts” of grief at any time, even when you are doing something that makes you happy. Reminders are always there.
Allow yourself to get your feelings out when they come.

Do you feel like you sometimes have to hide your feelings? Sometimes you might say “I’m ok”, but deep down you really aren’t. Some people describe “wearing a mask” to hide their true feelings. Does that happen for you?

Is it my fault that the person died?
Death is almost always natural. There is never anything you can say, feel, or do to make someone die. It is not your fault, their fault, or God’s fault. A person dies when their bodies stop working. It has nothing to do with anything you may have done.

Where do people go when they die?
After a body has died, the body may be buried in a cemetery or cremated into ashes. Some families have religious or celebration of life ceremonies to honor their special loved one. It’s OK to ask your family, to learn more about various beliefs about spirituality. Many people believe that when someone dies, they go to Heaven. Some people may believe in angels.

Although a loved one’s body has died, love and memories remain forever. Even though we can’t physically see that person, we can hold on to love, stories, and connection forever.

Will I ever again see the person who has died?
You probably miss the person who has died. This is most likely what makes you sad. You may always miss them, but you won’t always feel sad. Someday, a long, long time from now, you may be with that person in Heaven.

Sharing stories about your loved one can be very helpful. Share his/her story out loud…or write or draw about it. Think about special memories, who they were, what happened…anything!