Talking with Teens

Be mindful of the unique developmental needs and changes. Teens are coping with developing their identity, goals/career, and changes in their priorities, spirituality, sexuality, and physical appearance. They may naturally have questions about meaning of life, death, and other traumatic events.
Encourage healthy connections to others and peers who understand or have similar experiences with grief and loss.
Promote and support general mental health, physical health, and self care.
Understand that teens may try to take on roles in their family to accommodative for the loss.
Older children/teens may avoid talking to family members about their feelings or about the person who died. Often times, they do this to actually protect family
members.
Questions that they may (or may not) ask or communicate, but are trying to cope with: How am I going to live without my loved one? Who am I now? Will my friends and teachers treat me differently? What should I say to them? How do I cope with everyday life? How do I deal with being mad? Why me and my family?

Understand where children and teens are coming from, and importance of responding appropriately and compassionately.
Don’t be afraid to talk about grief and loss. Build trust and offer spaces for a student they want to talk about death or deceased loved one(s). Use their loved one’s name.
Ask the family/student what they want others to know about the death, funeral arrangements, etc.
You can provide assistance in coordinating communication to teachers, staff.
Provide safe environment to ask questions and express feelings.
Offer and encourage healthy coping strategies as an outlet to express themselves.
Follow routines and continue to set limits.
Seize moments to teach about grief.
Answer questions clearly and accurately. For younger children, avoid euphemisms such as gone, passed, lost, or referencing sleeping. (It’s also ok not to have all of the answers!)
Tell the truth – use accurate words to describe what happened.
Provide opportunities for child to express him/herself by using art, writing, dancing, music, sports, games, and/or talking.
Prepare and include them in funerals and memorial services, if they wish.
Create a support system, and safe space for that child to go when needed.
Maintain routines and structure, while allowing for flexibility and choice.
Model expressing emotions and taking care of yourself.

Learn about our DoveTales Children’s Program for kids dealing with the death of a loved one.

Check out some of our favorite resources:

Here are a few of our favorite book recommendations:

Hamlett, D. & Sharif, S. - A Reflective Grief Journal for Children and Teens
Jacobs, J and Lorig, S. - Chill and Spill Journal: A Place to Put It Down
Traisman, E. - Fire in My Heart, Ice in My Veins: A Journal for Teenagers Experiencing a Loss
Wolfelt, A. - The Healing Your Grieving Heart Journal for Teens