Talking with Adults

Here are some insights from bereaved individuals that may help guide you to best support someone who is grieving.

  • Don’t ignore me because you are uncomfortable with the subject of death.

  • If you haven’t called, and a long time has gone by, tell me that you are sorry, and that you “just haven’t known what to say.” Don’t say you’ve been too busy.

  • Acknowledge my pain.

  • Don’t say, “I know how you feel,” because you probably don’t.

  • Be available to me.

  • Instead of asking a general question, “how can I help?” Choose something specific. try something like: “I’d like to help by mowing the lawn. May I do that?”

  • Don’t take my feelings away from me by telling me, “Don’t feel that way”.

  • Sit with me in silence.

  • Let me cry…help me laugh…help me remember….help me forget…whatever I need. Take my lead.

  • Hug me and tell me that you care.

Falling Apart

I seem to be falling apart.
My attention span can be measured in seconds,
My patience in minutes,
I cry at the drop of a hat
I forget things constantly
The morning toast burns daily.
I forget to sign checks; half of everything in the house is misplaced.
Feelings of anxiety and restlessness are my constant companions.
Rainy days seem extra dreary
Sunny days seem an outrage,
Other people’s pain and frustrations seem insignificant.
Laughing, happy people seem out of place in my world.
It has become routine to feel half crazy.
“I am normal,” I am told.
“I am a newly grieving person.”

-Eloise Cole

Resources for Adult Grief

General Topics:

  • Baugher, B. - Coping with Grief: A Guide for the Bereaved Survivor

  • Beattie, M. - The Grief Club

  • Bernhardt, M. - Voices of the Grieving Heart

  • Cacciatore, J. - Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief

  • Davis-Bush, A. - Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and how to make it Meaningful

  • Devine, M. - It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand

  • Edwards, E. - Saving Graces: Finding Solace and Strength from Friends and Strangers

  • Elison, J. & Mcgonigle, C. - Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief

  • Frankl, V. - Man’s Search for Meaning

  • Goodman, S. - Love Never Dies

  • Hone, L. - Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life after a Loss that Changes Everything

  • Hood, A. - Comfort: A Journey Through Grief

  • Hull-McCormack, J. - Grieving: A Beginners Guide

  • James, J. & Friedman, R. - The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith

  • Kalanithi, P. - When Breath Becomes Air

  • Kelly, R. - The Griefcase: A Man’s Guide to Healing and Moving Forward in Grief

  • Kodanaz, R. - Living with Loss, One Day at a Time

  • Lewis, C.S. - A Grief Observed

  • Manning, D. - Don’t Take My Grief Away

  • Mercado, L. - Adjusting to Life After Loss: Coping with the Death of a Loved One and Honoring Their Memory

  • Miller, S. - Permission to Thrive: My Journey from Grief to Growth

  • Nepo, M. - The Book of Awakening: Having the Life you Want by Being Present to the Life you Have

  • Parker, S. - Grief as a Second Language: A Guidebook for Living with the Loss of a Loved One

  • Peterson, A. - Droplets: Poetry for those in Grief

  • Rando, T. - How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies

  • Sandberg, S. & Grant, A. - Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy

  • Sheffield, R. - Love is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time

  • Westberg, G. - Good Grief: A Companion for Every Loss

  • Williams, J. - Mysterious Moments: Thoughts that Transform Grief

  • Wolfet, A. - Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas

  • Wunnenberg, K. - Grieving the Loss of a Loved One

  • Zuba, T. - Permission to Mourn: A New Way to do Grief

Specific Topics - Emotions:

  • Baugher, B. - Understanding Anger During Bereavement

  • Baugher, B. - Understanding Guilt During Bereavement

  • Greenspan, M. - Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair

Specific Topics - Journals & Workbooks:

  • Caplan, S. & Lang, G. - Grief’s Courageous Journey: A Workbook

  • Devine, M. - How to Carry what can’t be Fixed: A Journal for Grief

  • Eldon, K. - Angel Catcher: A Journal of Loss and Remembrance

  • Jose, S. - Progressing Through Grief: Guided Exercises to Understand Your Emotions and Recover from Loss

  • Richardson, T. - Forever in my Heart: A Grief Journal

  • Roldan, M. - Navigating Grief: A Guided Journal: Prompts and Exercises for Reflection and Healing

  • Sell-Bronstad, D. - 52-Week Devotional Journal for Grief: Prompts and Prayers for Navigating Loss

  • Willis, M. - Restored: A Self-Paced Grief Workbook for Your Journey from Loss to Life

Specific Topics - Meditation & Mindfulness:

  • Hickman, M. - Healing after Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief

  • Stang, Heather - Mindfulness & Grief

  • Studacher, C. - A Time to Grieve: Meditations for Healing after the Death of a Loved One

  • Warner, J. - Grief Day By Day: Simple Practices and Daily Guidance for Living with Loss

  • Wolfelt, A. - Grief One Day at a Time: Meditations to Help you Heal after Loss

Specific Topics - Religion & Spirituality:

  • Alexander, E. - Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife

  • Bidwell-Smith, C. - After This: When Life is Over, Where Do We Go?

  • Fiore, C. - A Grief Workbook for Skeptics: Surviving Loss without Religion

  • Forbes, S. - The Angel in my Pocket: A Story of Love, Loss, and Life After Death

  • Kubler-Ross, E. - On Life After Death

  • Kushner, H. - When Bad Things Happen to Good People

  • Myss, C. & Finley, J. - Transforming Trauma: A Seven-Step Process for Spiritual Healing

  • Peterson, A. - He Whispers: Poetic Talks with God

  • Sittser, J. - A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss

Specific Loss - Spousal Loss:

  • Brody-Fleet, C. & Harriet, S. - Widows Wear Stilettos: A Practical and Emotional Guide for the Young Widow

  • Carter, A. - The Alchemy of Loss: A Young Widow’s Transformation

  • Colby, F. - Widower to Widower: Surviving the end of your Most Important Relationship

  • Devine, M. - It’s OK That You’re not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand

  • Didion, J. - The Year of Magical Thinking

  • Feinberg, L. - I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Can Cope and Heal

  • Ginsburg, D. - Widow to Widow: Thoughtful, Practical Ideas for Rebuilding Your Life

  • Roe, G. - Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart: Hope and Healing after Losing your Partner

  • Roper, G. - A Widow’s Journey: Reflections on Walking Alone

  • Santlofer, J. - The Widower’s Notebook

  • Silverman, P. - Widow to Widow: How the Bereaved Help One Another

  • Wolfelt, A. - Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Husband or Wife Dies

Specific Loss - Parent Loss:

  • Ackner & Whitney -How to Survive the Loss of a Parent

  • Bartocci, B. - Nobody’s Child Anymore: Grieving, Caring, and Comforting When Parents Die

  • Bidwell-Smith, C. - The Rules of Inheritance

  • Brooks, J. Midlife Orphan

  • Gilbert, A. Always Too Soon: Voices of Support for Those Who Have Lost Both Parents

  • Gilbert, R. Finding Your Way after Your Parent Dies: Hope for Grieving Adults

  • Levy, A. The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change after the Death of our Parents

  • Schuurman, D. Never the Same: Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent

  • Secunda, V. Losing Your Parents, Finding Yourself: The Defining Turning Point of Adult Life

  • Stoop, D. Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families

  • Umberson, D. Death of a Parent: Transitions to a New Adult Identity

  • Wolfelt, A. Healing the Adult Child’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas after Your Parent Dies

Specific Loss - Sibling Loss:

  • Diraimondo, D. - Surviving Sibling Loss: The Invisible Thread that Connects Us Through Life and Death

  • Wray, T. J. - Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies

  • Wolfelt, A. - Healing the Adult Sibling’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas after your Brother or Sister Dies

Specific Loss - Child Loss:

  • Belitz, L. - Two Infinities: A Memoir of Love and Childhood Cancer

  • Buchanan, A. - Memories of Max: A Father’s Story

  • Cheshire, C. - Thriving after the Death of a Child

  • Cleckley, M. - Estes, E., & Norton, P. We Need not Walk Alone after the Death of a Child

  • Farley, K. & DiCola, D. - Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back

  • Fuller-Wilcox, F. - Facing into the Wind: A Mother’s Healing after the Death of Her Child

  • Fuller-Wilcox, F. - Hope is a Bright Star: A Mother’s Memoir of Love, Loss, and Learning to Live Again

  • Kearns, C. - Sugar Cookies and a Nightmare: How my Daughter’s Death Taught me the Meaning of Life

  • Kelly, R. - Sometimes I Cry in the Shower: A Grieving Father’s Journey to Wholeness and Healing

  • Kramar, M. - Searching for Spenser

  • Lawrence-Hunt, L. - Pilgrimage Through Loss: Pathways to Strength and Renewal After the Death of a Child

  • Levine, M. - First You Die: Learn to Live after the Death of Your Child

  • McCracken, A. & Semel, M. - A Broken Heart Still Beats: After Your Child Dies

  • Meisenhelder, J. - Surviving the Unthinkable: The Loss of a Child

  • Miller, A. - You Are the Mother of All Mothers

  • Mitchel, E. et al. - Beyond Tears: Living after Losing a Child

  • Moss, J. - Blessings for a Grieving Mother: 52 Devotions from the Psalms

  • O’Loughlin, S. - Life from the Ashes: Finding Signs of Hope After Loss

  • Oliver-Krist, P. - Grief to Generosity: Honor your child by Helping Others

  • Pazzi, S. - Sorrow and Hope: The Loss of a Child

  • Pereyra, K. - Double Dollow: A Mother’s Grief

  • Rademacher, K. - From the Lake House: A Mother’s Odyssey of Loss and Love

  • Redfern, S. & Gilbert, S. - The Grieving Garden: Living with the Death of a Child

  • Roe, G. - Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child

  • Rosof, B. - The Worst Loss: How Families Heal from the Death of a Child

  • Rothman, J. - The Bereaved Parents’ Survival Guide

  • Sarnoff-Schiff, H. - The Bereaved Parent

  • Starr, K. - 457 Days: A Mother’s Journey Along Grief’s Path

  • Zelik, L. - From Despair to Hope: Survival Guide for Bereaved Parents

  • Zenoff, N. - The Unspeakable Loss: How do you Live after a Child Dies?

Specific Loss - Pet Loss:

  • Dolan-Del Vecchio, K. - The Pet Loss Companion: Healing Advice from Family Therapists Who Lead Pet Loss Groups

  • Kowalski, G. - Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet

  • Singh, M. - Lessons Learned from My Rescue Dog

  • Wycherley, J. - Losing My Best Friend: Thoughtful support for those affected by dog bereavement or pet loss

Specific Loss - Suicide Loss:

  • Bolton, I. - My Son…My Son: A Guide to Healing after Death, Loss, or Suicide

  • Cobain, B. - Dying to Be Free: A Healing Guide for Families After Suicide

  • Fine, C. - No Time for Goodbye: Surviving the Sudden Death of a Loved One

  • Hsu, A. - Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One’s Search for Comfort, Answers, and Hope

  • Jordan, J. & Baugher, B. - After Suicide Loss: Coping with your Grief

  • Lukas, C. & Seiden, H. - Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide

  • Wolfelt, A. - The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way

Specific Loss - Overdose Loss:

  • Albanese, E. & M.J. - Understanding Addiction as Self Medication: Finding Hope Behind the Pain

  • Carvlin, A. - Untimely: Personal Stories of Loss Due to Substance Abuse

  • Feigelman, W. & Jordan, J. - Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs

  • Fine, C. - No Time for Goodbye: Surviving the Sudden Death of a Loved One

  • Minnich, M. - The Grief Chronicles

  • Noel, B. & Blair, P. - I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One

  • Quinones, S. - Dreamland: The True Tale of America’s Opiate Epidemic

  • Wittberger, P., Wittberger, R. - When a Child Dies from Drugs: Practical Help for Parents in Bereavement

Specific Loss - Sudden/Traumatic Loss:

  • Armstrong, C. - Transforming Traumatic Grief: Six Steps to Move from Grief to Peace After the Sudden or Violent Death of a Loved One

  • Baugher, B. & Cox, L. - Coping with Traumatic Death: Homicide

  • Jenkins, B. - What to do when the Police Leave: A Guide to the First Days of Traumatic Loss

  • Naparstek, B. - Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How they Heal

Helping Children Cope

  • DeBay, Kerry - The Grief Bubble

  • Doerrfeld, Cori - The Rabbit Listened

  • Dougy Center - Helping the Grieving Student: A Guide for Teachers

  • Fitzgerald, Helen - The Grieving Child; A Parent’s Guide.

  • Goldman, L. - Breaking the Silence: A Guide to Help Children with Complicated Grief—Suicide, Homicide, AIDS, Violence, and Abuse

  • Grollman, E. - Bereaved Children and Teens: A Support Guide for Parents and Professionals

  • Grollman, E. - Talking About Death: A Dialogue Between Parent and Child

  • Heegaard, Marge - When Something Terrible Happens

  • Heegaard, Marge - When a Family is in Trouble: Children can cope with grief from drug and alcohol addiction

  • Heegaard, Marge - When Someone Very Special Dies

  • Huntley, T. - Helping Children Grieve: When Someone They Love Dies

  • Kroen, W.C. & Espeland, P. - Helping Children Cope with the Loss of a Loved One: A Guide for Grownups

  • O’Toole, D. - Growing Through Grief: A K-12 Curriculum to Help Young People Through all Kinds of Loss

  • Roberts, R. - Recognizing and Responding: Infant and Toddler Grief

  • Schaefer, D. & Lyons, C. - How Do We Tell The Children, A Parents Guide To Helping Children Understand And Cope When Someone Dies

  • Wolfelt, A. - Helping Children Cope With Grief

  • Wolfelt, A. - Healing a Teen’s Grieving Heart

Helping Teens Cope

  • Day, Karen - A Million Miles From Boston

  • Fitzgerald, H. - The Grieving Teen: A Guide for Teenagers and Their Friends

  • Fry, V. - Part of Me Died Too: Stories of Creative Survival Among Bereaved Children and Teenagers

  • Grollman, E. - Straight Talk about Death for Teenagers: How to Cope with Losing Someone You Love

  • Ness, P. & Kay, J. - A Monster Calls

  • O’Toole, D. - Facing Change & Coming Together Again in the Teen Years

  • Schroder, Monika - Be Light Like a Bird

  • Tyson, Janet - Common Threads of Teenage Grief

  • Wolfet, A. - Healing Your Grieving Heart For Teens: 100 Practical Ideas