Talking with Adults
Here are some insights from bereaved individuals that may help guide you to best support someone who is grieving.
Don’t ignore me because you are uncomfortable with the subject of death.
If you haven’t called, and a long time has gone by, tell me that you are sorry, and that you “just haven’t known what to say.” Don’t say you’ve been too busy.
Acknowledge my pain.
Don’t say, “I know how you feel,” because you probably don’t.
Be available to me.
Instead of asking a general question, “how can I help?” Choose something specific. try something like: “I’d like to help by mowing the lawn. May I do that?”
Don’t take my feelings away from me by telling me, “Don’t feel that way”.
Sit with me in silence.
Let me cry…help me laugh…help me remember….help me forget…whatever I need. Take my lead.
Hug me and tell me that you care.
Falling Apart
I seem to be falling apart.
My attention span can be measured in seconds,
My patience in minutes,
I cry at the drop of a hat
I forget things constantly
The morning toast burns daily.
I forget to sign checks; half of everything in the house is misplaced.
Feelings of anxiety and restlessness are my constant companions.
Rainy days seem extra dreary
Sunny days seem an outrage,
Other people’s pain and frustrations seem insignificant.
Laughing, happy people seem out of place in my world.
It has become routine to feel half crazy.
“I am normal,” I am told.
“I am a newly grieving person.”
-Eloise Cole
Resources for Adult Grief
General Topics:
Baugher, B. - Coping with Grief: A Guide for the Bereaved Survivor
Beattie, M. - The Grief Club
Bernhardt, M. - Voices of the Grieving Heart
Cacciatore, J. - Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief
Davis-Bush, A. - Transcending Loss: Understanding the Lifelong Impact of Grief and how to make it Meaningful
Devine, M. - It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand
Edwards, E. - Saving Graces: Finding Solace and Strength from Friends and Strangers
Elison, J. & Mcgonigle, C. - Liberating Losses: When Death Brings Relief
Frankl, V. - Man’s Search for Meaning
Goodman, S. - Love Never Dies
Hone, L. - Resilient Grieving: Finding Strength and Embracing Life after a Loss that Changes Everything
Hood, A. - Comfort: A Journey Through Grief
Hull-McCormack, J. - Grieving: A Beginners Guide
James, J. & Friedman, R. - The Grief Recovery Handbook: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith
Kalanithi, P. - When Breath Becomes Air
Kelly, R. - The Griefcase: A Man’s Guide to Healing and Moving Forward in Grief
Kodanaz, R. - Living with Loss, One Day at a Time
Lewis, C.S. - A Grief Observed
Manning, D. - Don’t Take My Grief Away
Mercado, L. - Adjusting to Life After Loss: Coping with the Death of a Loved One and Honoring Their Memory
Miller, S. - Permission to Thrive: My Journey from Grief to Growth
Nepo, M. - The Book of Awakening: Having the Life you Want by Being Present to the Life you Have
Parker, S. - Grief as a Second Language: A Guidebook for Living with the Loss of a Loved One
Peterson, A. - Droplets: Poetry for those in Grief
Rando, T. - How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies
Sandberg, S. & Grant, A. - Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy
Sheffield, R. - Love is a Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song at a Time
Westberg, G. - Good Grief: A Companion for Every Loss
Williams, J. - Mysterious Moments: Thoughts that Transform Grief
Wolfet, A. - Healing Your Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas
Wunnenberg, K. - Grieving the Loss of a Loved One
Zuba, T. - Permission to Mourn: A New Way to do Grief
Specific Topics - Emotions:
Baugher, B. - Understanding Anger During Bereavement
Baugher, B. - Understanding Guilt During Bereavement
Greenspan, M. - Healing Through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair
Specific Topics - Journals & Workbooks:
Caplan, S. & Lang, G. - Grief’s Courageous Journey: A Workbook
Devine, M. - How to Carry what can’t be Fixed: A Journal for Grief
Eldon, K. - Angel Catcher: A Journal of Loss and Remembrance
Jose, S. - Progressing Through Grief: Guided Exercises to Understand Your Emotions and Recover from Loss
Richardson, T. - Forever in my Heart: A Grief Journal
Roldan, M. - Navigating Grief: A Guided Journal: Prompts and Exercises for Reflection and Healing
Sell-Bronstad, D. - 52-Week Devotional Journal for Grief: Prompts and Prayers for Navigating Loss
Willis, M. - Restored: A Self-Paced Grief Workbook for Your Journey from Loss to Life
Specific Topics - Meditation & Mindfulness:
Hickman, M. - Healing after Loss: Daily Meditations for Working Through Grief
Stang, Heather - Mindfulness & Grief
Studacher, C. - A Time to Grieve: Meditations for Healing after the Death of a Loved One
Warner, J. - Grief Day By Day: Simple Practices and Daily Guidance for Living with Loss
Wolfelt, A. - Grief One Day at a Time: Meditations to Help you Heal after Loss
Specific Topics - Religion & Spirituality:
Alexander, E. - Proof of Heaven: A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife
Bidwell-Smith, C. - After This: When Life is Over, Where Do We Go?
Fiore, C. - A Grief Workbook for Skeptics: Surviving Loss without Religion
Forbes, S. - The Angel in my Pocket: A Story of Love, Loss, and Life After Death
Kubler-Ross, E. - On Life After Death
Kushner, H. - When Bad Things Happen to Good People
Myss, C. & Finley, J. - Transforming Trauma: A Seven-Step Process for Spiritual Healing
Peterson, A. - He Whispers: Poetic Talks with God
Sittser, J. - A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss
Specific Loss - Spousal Loss:
Brody-Fleet, C. & Harriet, S. - Widows Wear Stilettos: A Practical and Emotional Guide for the Young Widow
Carter, A. - The Alchemy of Loss: A Young Widow’s Transformation
Colby, F. - Widower to Widower: Surviving the end of your Most Important Relationship
Devine, M. - It’s OK That You’re not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand
Didion, J. - The Year of Magical Thinking
Feinberg, L. - I'm Grieving as Fast as I Can: How Young Widows and Widowers Can Cope and Heal
Ginsburg, D. - Widow to Widow: Thoughtful, Practical Ideas for Rebuilding Your Life
Roe, G. - Comfort for the Grieving Spouse’s Heart: Hope and Healing after Losing your Partner
Roper, G. - A Widow’s Journey: Reflections on Walking Alone
Santlofer, J. - The Widower’s Notebook
Silverman, P. - Widow to Widow: How the Bereaved Help One Another
Wolfelt, A. - Healing a Spouse's Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas After Your Husband or Wife Dies
Specific Loss - Parent Loss:
Ackner & Whitney -How to Survive the Loss of a Parent
Bartocci, B. - Nobody’s Child Anymore: Grieving, Caring, and Comforting When Parents Die
Bidwell-Smith, C. - The Rules of Inheritance
Brooks, J. Midlife Orphan
Gilbert, A. Always Too Soon: Voices of Support for Those Who Have Lost Both Parents
Gilbert, R. Finding Your Way after Your Parent Dies: Hope for Grieving Adults
Levy, A. The Orphaned Adult: Understanding and Coping with Grief and Change after the Death of our Parents
Schuurman, D. Never the Same: Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent
Secunda, V. Losing Your Parents, Finding Yourself: The Defining Turning Point of Adult Life
Stoop, D. Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves: Healing Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families
Umberson, D. Death of a Parent: Transitions to a New Adult Identity
Wolfelt, A. Healing the Adult Child’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas after Your Parent Dies
Specific Loss - Sibling Loss:
Diraimondo, D. - Surviving Sibling Loss: The Invisible Thread that Connects Us Through Life and Death
Wray, T. J. - Surviving the Death of a Sibling: Living Through Grief When an Adult Brother or Sister Dies
Wolfelt, A. - Healing the Adult Sibling’s Grieving Heart: 100 Practical Ideas after your Brother or Sister Dies
Specific Loss - Child Loss:
Belitz, L. - Two Infinities: A Memoir of Love and Childhood Cancer
Buchanan, A. - Memories of Max: A Father’s Story
Cheshire, C. - Thriving after the Death of a Child
Cleckley, M. - Estes, E., & Norton, P. We Need not Walk Alone after the Death of a Child
Farley, K. & DiCola, D. - Grieving Dads: To the Brink and Back
Fuller-Wilcox, F. - Facing into the Wind: A Mother’s Healing after the Death of Her Child
Fuller-Wilcox, F. - Hope is a Bright Star: A Mother’s Memoir of Love, Loss, and Learning to Live Again
Kearns, C. - Sugar Cookies and a Nightmare: How my Daughter’s Death Taught me the Meaning of Life
Kelly, R. - Sometimes I Cry in the Shower: A Grieving Father’s Journey to Wholeness and Healing
Kramar, M. - Searching for Spenser
Lawrence-Hunt, L. - Pilgrimage Through Loss: Pathways to Strength and Renewal After the Death of a Child
Levine, M. - First You Die: Learn to Live after the Death of Your Child
McCracken, A. & Semel, M. - A Broken Heart Still Beats: After Your Child Dies
Meisenhelder, J. - Surviving the Unthinkable: The Loss of a Child
Miller, A. - You Are the Mother of All Mothers
Mitchel, E. et al. - Beyond Tears: Living after Losing a Child
Moss, J. - Blessings for a Grieving Mother: 52 Devotions from the Psalms
O’Loughlin, S. - Life from the Ashes: Finding Signs of Hope After Loss
Oliver-Krist, P. - Grief to Generosity: Honor your child by Helping Others
Pazzi, S. - Sorrow and Hope: The Loss of a Child
Pereyra, K. - Double Dollow: A Mother’s Grief
Rademacher, K. - From the Lake House: A Mother’s Odyssey of Loss and Love
Redfern, S. & Gilbert, S. - The Grieving Garden: Living with the Death of a Child
Roe, G. - Shattered: Surviving the Loss of a Child
Rosof, B. - The Worst Loss: How Families Heal from the Death of a Child
Rothman, J. - The Bereaved Parents’ Survival Guide
Sarnoff-Schiff, H. - The Bereaved Parent
Starr, K. - 457 Days: A Mother’s Journey Along Grief’s Path
Zelik, L. - From Despair to Hope: Survival Guide for Bereaved Parents
Zenoff, N. - The Unspeakable Loss: How do you Live after a Child Dies?
Specific Loss - Pet Loss:
Dolan-Del Vecchio, K. - The Pet Loss Companion: Healing Advice from Family Therapists Who Lead Pet Loss Groups
Kowalski, G. - Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet
Singh, M. - Lessons Learned from My Rescue Dog
Wycherley, J. - Losing My Best Friend: Thoughtful support for those affected by dog bereavement or pet loss
Specific Loss - Suicide Loss:
Bolton, I. - My Son…My Son: A Guide to Healing after Death, Loss, or Suicide
Cobain, B. - Dying to Be Free: A Healing Guide for Families After Suicide
Fine, C. - No Time for Goodbye: Surviving the Sudden Death of a Loved One
Hsu, A. - Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One’s Search for Comfort, Answers, and Hope
Jordan, J. & Baugher, B. - After Suicide Loss: Coping with your Grief
Lukas, C. & Seiden, H. - Silent Grief: Living in the Wake of Suicide
Wolfelt, A. - The Wilderness of Suicide Grief: Finding Your Way
Specific Loss - Overdose Loss:
Albanese, E. & M.J. - Understanding Addiction as Self Medication: Finding Hope Behind the Pain
Carvlin, A. - Untimely: Personal Stories of Loss Due to Substance Abuse
Feigelman, W. & Jordan, J. - Devastating Losses: How Parents Cope with the Death of a Child to Suicide or Drugs
Fine, C. - No Time for Goodbye: Surviving the Sudden Death of a Loved One
Minnich, M. - The Grief Chronicles
Noel, B. & Blair, P. - I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping, and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One
Quinones, S. - Dreamland: The True Tale of America’s Opiate Epidemic
Wittberger, P., Wittberger, R. - When a Child Dies from Drugs: Practical Help for Parents in Bereavement
Specific Loss - Sudden/Traumatic Loss:
Armstrong, C. - Transforming Traumatic Grief: Six Steps to Move from Grief to Peace After the Sudden or Violent Death of a Loved One
Baugher, B. & Cox, L. - Coping with Traumatic Death: Homicide
Jenkins, B. - What to do when the Police Leave: A Guide to the First Days of Traumatic Loss
Naparstek, B. - Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How they Heal
Helping Children Cope
DeBay, Kerry - The Grief Bubble
Doerrfeld, Cori - The Rabbit Listened
Dougy Center - Helping the Grieving Student: A Guide for Teachers
Fitzgerald, Helen - The Grieving Child; A Parent’s Guide.
Goldman, L. - Breaking the Silence: A Guide to Help Children with Complicated Grief—Suicide, Homicide, AIDS, Violence, and Abuse
Grollman, E. - Bereaved Children and Teens: A Support Guide for Parents and Professionals
Grollman, E. - Talking About Death: A Dialogue Between Parent and Child
Heegaard, Marge - When Something Terrible Happens
Heegaard, Marge - When a Family is in Trouble: Children can cope with grief from drug and alcohol addiction
Heegaard, Marge - When Someone Very Special Dies
Huntley, T. - Helping Children Grieve: When Someone They Love Dies
Kroen, W.C. & Espeland, P. - Helping Children Cope with the Loss of a Loved One: A Guide for Grownups
O’Toole, D. - Growing Through Grief: A K-12 Curriculum to Help Young People Through all Kinds of Loss
Roberts, R. - Recognizing and Responding: Infant and Toddler Grief
Schaefer, D. & Lyons, C. - How Do We Tell The Children, A Parents Guide To Helping Children Understand And Cope When Someone Dies
Wolfelt, A. - Helping Children Cope With Grief
Wolfelt, A. - Healing a Teen’s Grieving Heart
Helping Teens Cope
Day, Karen - A Million Miles From Boston
Fitzgerald, H. - The Grieving Teen: A Guide for Teenagers and Their Friends
Fry, V. - Part of Me Died Too: Stories of Creative Survival Among Bereaved Children and Teenagers
Grollman, E. - Straight Talk about Death for Teenagers: How to Cope with Losing Someone You Love
Ness, P. & Kay, J. - A Monster Calls
O’Toole, D. - Facing Change & Coming Together Again in the Teen Years
Schroder, Monika - Be Light Like a Bird
Tyson, Janet - Common Threads of Teenage Grief
Wolfet, A. - Healing Your Grieving Heart For Teens: 100 Practical Ideas